Are you suffering from burnout or are you just hungover all the time?

ARE you genuinely suffering from work-related stress or is going to the office horrendous because you’ve got a permanent hangover? Take our test.

Do you have difficulty sleeping?

A) Yes, I stay awake until 3am worrying and then wake up at 5am to do some extra worrying.

B) Only if I’ve done so many lines of coke that the booze doesn’t knock me out cold.

What is your morning routine?

A) Wake up at 5am, answer work emails, make breakfast and packed lunches for four people, walk dog, clean bathroom and drive to work crying.

B) Wake up at 8.59 still drunk and eat last night’s kebab for breakfast in a taxi to the office.

Do you have negative thoughts about your job?

A) Yes, because I feel obliged to do an hour’s overtime every day otherwise my boss makes ominous remarks about my upcoming appraisal.

B) Yes, because they make me look at spreadsheets when all I want to do is hide in the stationery cupboard and sleep off all those Jägerbombs.

Do you feel misunderstood by your co-workers?

A) Yes, because they view my 2am emails as a massive nuisance rather than a worrying cry for help.

B) Yes, because they somehow think it’s weird to throw up in a bin every Monday morning after a massive weekend bender.

Do you frequently have headaches?

A) Yes, I have tension headaches that I also feel in my neck, shoulders, back, feet, teeth and hair.

B) Well obviously, I’m constantly hungover.

Mostly As: You are under too much pressure at work. Speak to HR.

Mostly Bs: Your burnout is drink-related. Speak to a group of glum former alcoholics at your local AA meeting.

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Oh shit this is happening, Britain realises

THE UK has woken up to the fact that the coronavirus is here and happening and this is likely to be very bad. 

As new cases are reported around the country, Britons are beginning to understand that a deadly pandemic may be more than just something for them to make amusing memes about. 

Eleanor Shaw said: “It was in China, and in a bit of China I’d never heard of. So it was fine to follow it like I was binge-watching a Netflix series, because it wasn’t really real. 

“But then it reached Italy and now it’s almost certainly reached Britain and the government’s too inept to do any lockdowns or anything and the NHS is in a bad way and I think we all might be f**ked. 

“Apparently only about 19 per cent become seriously ill, which seemed reassuring when it was the Chinese but is absolutely terrifying now it’s me and everyone I know. 

“Why isn’t the government telling me it’s all Project Fear? Why are we having a pandemic and a financial crash at the same time? Also, apparently climate change is real now. 

“I’m extremely scared and very angry. Then again, two months off work.”