Child poverty increasing because not enough children have jobs, say Tories

CHILDREN are living in poverty because they refuse to put in a proper day’s work, Tory MPs have claimed.

As new figures revealed an increase in child poverty and a reduction in the number of children with part-time jobs, backbench Conservatives said it ‘did not take a genius to make the connection’.

Somerset MP Denys Finch-Hatton said: “I have my part-time job at Westminster and three company directorships which take up about two hours a month. So I am working part-time and yet I am not in poverty.

“Children have to realise that you don’t just get things for nothing because you’re a child. I’m not suggesting they all quit school and work on a building site. I’m suggesting they stay in school and work on a building site in the evenings and at weekends.

“Or shall we just give these part-time jobs to Polish and Bulgarian children?”

Sussex MP Martin Bishop added: “I am willing to pay a tech-savvy child to remove the hard drive from my computer as soon as possible.”

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Builders working on rich couple's house not aware they are unpaid interns

BUILDERS renovating a wealthy couple’s large Cotswolds home do not realise they are unpaid interns, it has emerged.

Julian and Sally Cook, who work run a London PR firm, bought the 16th century farmhouse and then decided the best way to renovate it would be by getting people to do it for free.

Julian Cook said: “These builders are getting some great building experience to put on their CVs.

“We know a lot of well-off people so it’s a fantastic opportunity for them to showcase things like their bathroom-tiling skills to potential clients.

“We also provide a kettle and a generous supply of tea bags. They have to get their own milk though, you can’t provide that because they’d just steal it.”

Builder Wayne Hayes said: “They seem like nice enough people, and you can’t turn down six months’ work. Plus they agreed to the quote right away.”

Cook added: “Agreeing to pay them was just part of the ‘work experience role play’ designed to prepare them for the ‘real world’ of business. I think we all understood that.

“Anyway they haven’t got the money to sue us, so fuck them.”