Co-workers realising their friendship was mainly based on proximity

TWO colleagues have realised their ‘friendship’ was entirely based on sitting close together at work.

After being told to work from home, Tom Booker and Wayne Hayes now realise the gap of three feet between their office chairs was the only thing holding their flimsy relationship together.

Hayes said: “I was sure we were mates who did banter, but I haven’t missed Tom at all. It’s weird. When we were in the office he seemed essential but now I never think about him.

“We talked about meeting up for virtual Friday beers but I think I’ll just hang out with my family instead. I’m not actually sure I have his number.”

Booker said: “I used to joke about how Wayne was my ‘work wife’ but I’ve since realised that I far prefer my actual wife. 

“All we really have in common is dissatisfaction with our job and contempt for our co-workers. Without that there’s nothing. I don’t even think he likes football.”

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Parents convinced teachers must have superpowers to cope with this shit

AFTER one week of attempting to teach their children at home parents now believe teachers must be superhuman.

Mothers and fathers across the UK are in awe of people who take care of around 30 children every single day without swearing constantly.

Mum-of-three Emma Bradford said: “I love my kids but I had no idea they were so annoying. Are teachers secretly from another planet where they have great powers of calmness?

“I can’t do phonics without being interrupted every few seconds with unrelated questions like ‘What’s my chin for?’ or ‘Can we go to the park?’.

“And I had no idea it was even possible to lose your pencil, rubber or ruler 600 times while sitting at a desk.

“I just find it very strange that teachers aren’t losing their shit every five minutes, so they must be using some kind of supernatural power to get kids to sit down and shut up.

“At this point, I would not be surprised to find that teachers are all great sorcerers.”