GOT an inbox full of mandatory diversity training courses you’re putting off doing? Practise finding the insultingly obvious correct answers with our quiz.
Adnan has just joined the company as a trainee. Several colleagues have made derogatory comments about his ethnicity they consider to be harmless ‘jokes’. Do you:
A) Make them aware that what they are saying is offensive. If they persist, inform your line manager or HR department. Even if intended in jest, racism is a serious matter.
B) You what? You can’t have too many jokes about curry, funny accents and Osama Bin Laden. If Adnan won’t embrace the great British tradition of laughing at yourself but more commonly minorities, there’s plenty of other countries he can move to.
You’re in the kitchen with Charlotte, who is wearing a fairly short skirt, and Mike. You notice him surreptitiously taking a picture of her posterior when she is not looking. Do you:
A) Report him immediately. Not only is it an extremely serious invasion of privacy, it probably constitutes harassment, a criminal offence. Neither are acceptable in the modern workplace.
B) Keep schtum and ask him to send you the picture later. If Charlotte doesn’t want men to take photos of her gorgeous arse, perhaps she shouldn’t be dressing like a whore?
You are interviewing Sarah for a promotion to accounts manager. She has recently returned from her honeymoon and is the standout candidate. Should you:
A) Offer Sarah the position. She has been a valued employee for five years now and is ready for this challenging new role.
B) Give the position to a man and tell her it’s only a matter of time before she gets herself up the duff and f**ks off on maternity leave, plus she’s the wrong side of 30, so she’ll want a baby before she turns barren. Be sure to end the conversation with some creepy, intrusive comments about her and her husband’s sex life.
Tim has just joined the company. He identifies as gender-neutral and wishes to be referred to as ‘they/them’. Do you:
A) Respect his wishes. You should be sensitive to people’s gender identity preferences and besides, it has no bearing on his ability to do the job.
B) It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam becomes Madam and Eve turns into Steve. You shouldn’t encourage ‘them’. It’s only a matter of time before Tim demands to self-identify as a helicopter, ha ha ha. Explain that if he doesn’t know what sex he is, he should have a good look in his pants. Say this in a meeting. It’s for his own good in the long term.
Several of you have gone to the pub at lunchtime, apart from Moeen, who is Muslim. Several colleagues begin making offensive comments about his beliefs. Do you:
A) Tell them what they are saying is wrong and they must stop immediately. Racism is racism, regardless of whether the victim is present.
B) Join in. He’s never going to know because he’s not there, so it’s his own fault for having weird beliefs. What else does he believe? The Teletubbies are real? You might ask him in front of everyone in the office – it’ll be really funny.
All As. You fully understand the importance of diversity and inclusivity in the workplace. You’ve passed with flying colours, although failing this incredibly easy test would make an amoeba better qualified than you.
All Bs. Fail. You’re a gammon bastard who belongs in an episode of Love Thy Neighbour, not the modern workplace. It’s only a matter of time before you get sacked for some offensive comment, but given the easiness of the test it’s amazing you know how to work a Post-it note.