A BUSINESS meeting where all participants were horribly hungover has gone amazingly well, attendees have confirmed.
The 10.30am meeting was attended by a business manager who was on the piss last night, three marketing managers who had spent Sunday drinking prosecco at barbecues, an HR executive who put away seven gins watching Love Island and a junior who boozed his way through an E comedown.
Ryan Whittaker said: “The first thing we did was turn the lights down and order a second round of coffees, then Dan began his very subdued presentation.
“He was slumped in a chair, clicking through slides without any of the usual bullshit, gesturing at graphs saying ‘Look, it’s going down. So that’s not good.’ Nobody wasted time with noisy questions.
“Sarah admitted we hadn’t sold it properly and promised quietly to fix it. Wes suggested we just copy the other campaign that worked rather than f**k about. Katie said she’d book that in this afternoon if she was allowed to go home after.
“Nobody launched into exhaustive self-praise. Nobody mentioned the brand journey or the growth narrative. The desire to get shit done with a minimum of fuss overrode all other considerations.
“It was frightningly efficient. Sometimes a thumping headache, shivering sweats and the overwhelming need to rest your head on your desk are all the motivation you need.”