Wednesday, 19th February 2020

Nobody can face opening email titled 'Christmas Do 2019'

NOBODY in a large office can summon the will to open and read an email titled ‘Christmas Do 2019!!’, they have confirmed. 

The group email has been sent to 412 employees, but from the boardroom to the post room every recepient is staring at its boldface unread title with weary dread.

Acquisitions manager Joseph Turner said: “So soon, the death-knell of the year?

“I know they have to ask early so we can book somewhere and to give us a choice and all that’s good in theory, but I’m just not emotionally ready to deal with the end-of-the-year thing. I’m not even prepared to say the word.

“Strictly’s on, tubs of Heroes in the shops, the shadow of the darkest season has fallen across us. But if I don’t read this email perhaps it won’t be real.”

Colleague Joanna Kramer said: “Basically once we open that it’s all over. Tinsel round the monitors, pathetic turkey dinner in the canteen, names out of hats for Secret Santa. So it’s staying closed.”

Sender Mary Fisher said: “No responses? Everyone must be fine with the Chinese restaurant with Elvis impersonators then. Good.”