Not being able to remember colleague's name reaching crisis point

A MAN who has been addressing a colleague as ‘Hi!’ for the last three years has acknowledged it is too late to find out her name.

Tom Booker, who started his job at a medium-sized marketing company three years ago, now lives in terror of having to introduce her and looking a bit weird.

He said: “On my first day she introduced herself but I didn’t quite catch it. I was going to ask her to remind me the next day but she remembered my name, so it was too embarrassing.

“I can’t ask any of my colleagues because they’ll think it’s really strange I don’t know the name of Woman Who Sometimes Wears A Green Coat after three whole years.

“I think it might be Sarah, or Sophie. Come to think of it, it might not have been an ‘S’ name at all, it could have been Anna, or Andrea. Anastasia? No, I’d remember that.

“Now I’m fucking terrified I’ll get caught in a situation where I’m expected to introduce her to someone. I can feel the mortifying embarrassment and time slowing down just imagining it.

“It almost happened the other day but I managed to run off shouting ‘SORRY! HAVING AN EXPLOSIVE DIARRHOEA ATTACK AGAIN!’.  

“Unfortunately I can’t rely on quick thinking like that every time.”

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It is the year 2137. Brexit has still not happened. Theresa May is still prime minister

MORE than a century into the future, the UK is still waiting for the EU to come up with a creative solution to the Northern Ireland border.

Theresa May remains prime minister, apparently cheating death with her pathetic personal ambition. Meanwhile a cyborg Jeremy Corbyn is still Labour leader despite 122 years in opposition, which does not seem to bother him.

Time traveller Martin Bishop said: “The media continues to act as if important news on Brexit is due any moment now. We’re not sure why because the last person who voted for it died in 2106.

“Nonetheless, all parties agree the referendum result must be honoured. Britain is still haggling over fishing rights, even though fish have evolved and formed their own country which is doing well as part of the EU.

“The EU now includes Russia, Japan and the Antarctic Federation and has just concluded a summit in its giant space station. Brexit, the 413th item on the agenda, was not discussed.

“Unfortunately we still have to put up with Boris Johnson because he lives on as an artificial intelligence synthesised from his Telegraph columns.

“Michael Gove is still waiting his turn too, although he’ll be an unusual prime minister because he’s mutated into an immortal slime mould colony.”