‘Suggestion noted’ thinks cyclist approaching red light

A CYCLIST approaching a busy city crossing decided to regard a red light as advice to bear in mind rather than an order to stop.

Wayne Hayes, 24, appreciated the helpful suggestion that he might want to come to a halt, given that it was rush hour and traffic was heavy, but declined to do so.

Office administrator Hayes said: “I think it’s great that the government has set up this non-mandatory, advisory colour scheme at crossings.

“I can see how it’s useful for inferior cyclists, like older men, children and women. But elite riders like me – skinny, lycra-clad, essentially Bradley Wiggins but better – can exercise our own discretion.

“Others might want to consider putting their brakes on as a juggernaut bears down from the left approaching its own green light, but I am an incredible judge of speed and distance.

“What we really need is a public information film for pedestrians who thoughtlessly step into the road just because they see the green man.

“They could call it Think Once, Think Twice, Twat on a Bike Approaching.”