OFFICES across Britain are trying to tempt employees to stop working from home by allowing them to go completely bottomless.
Realising that staff accustomed to Zoom meetings and doing spreadsheets at the kitchen table find skirts and trousers an unjust imposition, businesses are promising a more relaxed nude-from-the-waist-down dress code.
Start-up CEO Julian Cook said: “We’ve always been a really casual, chill work environment. We don’t care what you wear or have pierced, as long as you’re logged on between 8am and 9pm and constantly accessible outside of those hours.
“And now we’ve dropped all requirement for the lower body to be clothed, we’re already seeing the benefits. Employees are flooding back in to enjoy the air-conditioning on their genitalia and the free pizza.
“Sure, HR are hearing a lot about sweaty bum-prints on chairs and one guy got his knackers trapped in the table football, but he never really had the right attitude anyway.”
IT executive Grace Wood-Morris said: “Everyone’s got their arses out. It’s deeply unpleasant just to be here and I’d do anything to leave.
“So just like before, but with arses.”