THE UK’s return to normality is going so well there might be a firebreak lockdown in October. Get these five activities done first:
Swap your summer fling for your winter cuff-up
Just as you’re packing your shorts away and breaking out your dufflecoat, it’s time to ditch your flighty summer romance for a settled winter dalliance. Ditch them now so it won’t look like you’re panicking at spending lockdown with them. Ditch them now before they ditch you.
You know the drill. At the first sign of lockdown, shoppers descend on supermarkets like locusts. Beat the rush by stocking up on pasta and flour tonight and you’ll be free to ignore them and live on takeaways, just like the last two lockdowns.
2020 was the year of cancelled weddings and a shit Christmas, and if there’s a firebreak lockdown the coming Halloween will be scrapped too. Get yours in early by dressing up and going trick-or-treating in the blistering September heat. Be prepared to administer more tricks than you receive treats this year.
Get hammered with your mates in the pub
A two-week school holiday shouldn’t really make any difference to your God-given right as an English citizen to get pissed in a hostelry, but you can’t be too careful. Get together and knock back pints like there’s no tomorrow. It’s sensible, prudent and forward-thinking.
Pop to the shops without a mask
Currently you can forego face coverings while nipping for a pint of milk, but that luxury could soon be snatched from us. Go crazy and breathe big lungfuls of unmasked air in the chilled aisles while you can because before you know it you might have to act responsibly again.