Office f**ked without the one woman who knows what she’s doing

AN office is in meltdown because the one member of staff who understands how everything works has taken the day off.

Administrator Donna Sheridan’s absence has left a Stevenage-based insurance broker in a state of panic reminiscent of the last days of Hitler’s bunker.

Managing director Roy Hobbs said: “How the hell am I meant to phone our suppliers if Donna doesn’t look them up and write the number on a Post-It note for me?

“Apparently they’re all in a ‘spreadsheet’ on ‘the network’ but I’m not paid to understand that sort of impenetrable cyber-jargon.

“We can’t even get into the toilets because the door’s got a code only Donna can remember. We’ve made a makeshift latrine from a bin surrounded by whiteboards. It is not pleasant.”

Company accountant Emma Bradford said: “I tried to pay some invoices, but after randomly clicking in the payment software, £14,000 disappeared and I don’t know where to.

“I also wish she’d told us that refilling the photocopier by pouring ink in the back will make it go ‘bang’ and all the lights will go off.”