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Older generation baffled by the idea of job satisfaction

ANYONE over 50 is perplexed by younger people’s delusions that work should be anything other than a thankless slog endured in order to buy things. 

From Boomers to Generation X, workers cannot grasp the concept that employment should be fulfilling in its own right rather than a soul-destroying way to acquire money for life’s essentials, like cigarettes and bingo.

Martin Bishop, aged 86, said: “Being reimbursed for the valuable time you’re sacrificing to scanning shopping or welding metal is the whole point of a job.

“Meanwhile fun things, like drinking five pints or betting on the horse racing, tend to cost you money rather than earning it. It’s how you tell the difference. Why would you enjoy work? What’s wrong with you?”

64-year-old Susan Traherne said: “The only times I can remember being satisfied at work was when we went home early because they found asbestos in the ceiling. Other than that it was pure misery for 55 years straight.

“if your day consists of Teams meetings, client reviews and managerial catch-ups and you’re trying to find joy in it, there’s something profoundly wrong with you. And I’m saying that as someone who’s repressed all of their emotions since 1978.”

Tom Booker, aged 27, said: “But I don’t earn enough to pay off my loans or get out of this bedsit. So what is work for?”

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Why your house is probably worth £2m but you haven't realised it

LABOUR have imposed a mansion tax on houses worth more than £2 million. Not bothered? That’s because you probably don’t realise your house is worth that much. 

What area do you live in? Swindon. Very desirable. Direct rail links to London, handy for your second home in the Cotswolds, weekends in Cornwall a possibility. Whatever you thought your house was worth, double it.

How many bedrooms? Three? Well, that’s one more than any two-child family where the children happily bunk in together needs. You know what kind of house has additional rooms used for entertaining or hobbies? A mansion.

And it’s got a garden? Which, as it’s semi-detached, means it’s on three sides? That means your house is situated within its own extensive grounds. Grounds which could be used for grouse shooting if the urge arose.

You see? We’re already up to a million, most likely, and we haven’t even priced in the fixtures and fittings yet. That wallpaper is exquisite. That’s going to add at least a hundred grand to the right buyer. Homebase is a very exclusive brand.

Sorry, did I hear you correctly? You have two bathrooms? My God. Even the Royals themselves don’t live in such luxury, well Fergie doesn’t. And is that a gatehouse lodge I espy in the rear? Call it a shed if you must. Your humility befits you.

Yes, this house, constructed in the venerable 1990s, easily qualifies as a mansion and is, like so many houses in marginal constituencies, worth more than £2 million. Don’t check that with a bank. They lie, like Rachel Reeves.

So Labour has hit you directly with a mansion tax. The bastards. You know what you should do? Vote Tory or even better Reform from now on. It is your duty as a member of the ruling class.

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