A WOMAN who is hammering her keyboard to within an inch of its life must be incredibly productive, colleagues have confirmed.
Client manager Nikki Hollis has been subjecting her keyboard to a punishing barrage of clicks, taps and emphatic space-bar blows, which she believes will convince everyone that she is hitting her performance goals.
She said: “The rest of the office is pin-drop quiet, with everyone beavering away in silence. This means you can’t really tell who’s working hard and who’s stalking their ex on Facebook.
“So to let everyone knows I’m a real toiler I bludgeon my keyboard with pugilistic intensity. Sometimes I like to liven things up by letting out a massive sigh or loudly cursing under my breath.
“Don’t tell anyone, but it makes zero impact on my under-par work. Mostly it’s personal emails.”
Hollis’ boss Tom Booker said: “Nikki’s gone through three keyboards in 12 months because she wears them out with her performance typing.
“It’s costing IT a small fortune. But she’s clearly working harder than everyone else so any bad results aren’t her fault and I’ll probably promote her.”