FOLLOWING Suella Braverman’s blistering resignation letter to Rishi Sunak, the prime minister has written back. His letter is below.
I sacked you. Over the phone. You don’t get to write a letter a day later saying how terrible I am. Of course you think that, you’ve just been given the boot.
And you’re only popular on paper, specifically the Mail, Telegraph and Express. Your little gang of MPs are known arseholes and the public’s glad you’re gone.
Broke our deal? You f**king bet I did. It’s called politics. What would be the point of my becoming prime minister if it wasn’t to thoroughly shaft a woman? And they say I learned nothing from Boris.
You expected me to sign up to every aspect of the idiotic Johnson premiership? You believed me when I said ‘For you, Suella, I’ll break international law?’ How much of a dickhead are you? Don’t bother to answer. You already have.
And then you kept adding further demands. ‘Oh, and can you outlaw protestors I don’t like?’ ‘Actually we’ll need to send even more to Rwanda because I haven’t quite stopped the boats yet.’ Talk about a f**king diva.
Regretfully, and I don’t mean that, you were shite at your job and I’m glad that you’ve gone. Not to see your miserable three-dick gob frowning around Downing Street will be a real pleasure.
Goodbye, good luck on the backbenches, nobody cares about you now. Today’s front pages are your last. I’ll see you on GB News. Well I won’t, nobody will, but whatever.
Love, Rishi Sunak
Still the prime minister