ED Miliband has admitted that he’s still looking for the moment that will indelibly define him as a bell-end.
While unveiling a statue to commemorate next week’s 30th anniversary of Neil Kinnock falling into the tide like a fucking clown, Miliband said he’s hopeful his own landmark humiliation will arrive soon.
He continued: “Inevitably I’ll somehow manage to lose the election against a group of people pretty much everyone hates, just as Kinnock did.
“But it would be dreadfully embarrassing not to have a signature moment of idiocy on which to blame my loss.
“Maybe I will walk into a street sign and hurt my groin, or go arse-over-tit on some discarded fried chicken. Who knows, you just have to let these things happen organically.”