In a minute, WASPI ladies, I'm annoyed at a football kit, says Starmer

KEIR Starmer has told WASPI campaigners to bear with him because he is currently annoyed about a little flag.

The Labour leader has insisted that Women Against State Pension Inequality campaigners calm down and busy themselves with some washing up while he has a big manly chat with the football people about a colourful little flag.

Starmer said: “I know, you ladies want your pocket money and that’s adorable. However the Nike St George’s cross is obviously much more important.

“Yes, you’re owed roughly £36 billion in compensation, which is astonishing. But look, the tiny cross on the back of the England kit collar isn’t red like it used to be. I think you can understand why this is my priority at the moment.

“I’ve got to nip this woke bullshit in the bud or it risks becoming my bacon sandwich moment. Piss and moan about it with Owen Jones down at the hair salon all you want, it won’t change anything. You’re just going to have to put your big girl pants on and wait.

“What are you going to spend that money on anyway? A new bonnet and trips to the Bingo hall? The best things in life are free, you know.

“Be a dear and make daddy a cup of tea while you’re waiting? Ta.”

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Gen Z teen confused by strong male character

A MALE teenager has been left confused by a film in which a man faces challenges like fist fights that are traditionally left to female characters.

Josh Hudson was watching the Amazon remake of the 1980s action movie Road House, in which a professional bouncer in a roadside bar defeats numerous opponents despite not being a woman.

Hudson said: “I was gobsmacked when Dalton, played by Jake Gyllenhaal, takes on a six-foot biker and punches him to the ground. Only a lightly-built, 5’2” woman should be able to do that. 

“In all the films I’ve seen, whether it’s Atomic Blonde or Rebel Moon, women do all the fighting, so it was a really refreshing reversal of gender roles. It’s about time films showed that a man can be a badass too.

“Obviously a man wouldn’t stand a chance against a woman. My friend Lee who I was watching it with says men don’t have a small enough body mass to win fights, but I reckon if they had martial arts training that could give them an advantage.  

“One thing I didn’t like about Road House was that the female characters weren’t instantly good at everything and the man wasn’t completely useless, for which he is mocked and ridiculed. I thought that was just a bit too unrealistic.

“Even so, I found it really empowering. It’s given me the confidence to follow my dreams and become a fighter pilot instead of a childcare assistant. I don’t care if flying a Typhoon fighter-bomber is a ‘woman’s job’.”