THE UK’s lies-per-minute record has been absolutely shattered by this morning’s farewell speech by Boris Johnson.
The departing prime minister, who had been served a lovely fat breakfast on a tray by Michael Gove, emerged from Downing Street for the last time to breeze past the record and take political lying to new heights.
Attendee Julian Cook said: “He started slowly, with a bitter aside about changing the rules of the relay race that almost acknowledged objective reality. Then he kicked the f**k off.
“After his traditional Brexit-vaccine-Ukraine opener he seemed to spur himself to greater and greater heights. Police, nurses, hospitals, each brazen lie was topped by an even bigger one.
“By the midpoint, where he was promising a new nuclear reactor every week each served by its own high-speed railway, there wasn’t a lie he couldn’t tell. There was a new high-tech company springing up everywhere the nutter looked.
“It came crashing down when he flashed back to being on his space hopper, after which he slowed the frantic pace and finished with gentle, comforting lies about the strength of the union and the enduring friendship of dog and cat.
“What an incredible, epochal liar he was to the very last. We shall not see his like again. Though she’ll have a go.”
