Man wanted liberal Conservative leader so he'd feel like less of a bastard for voting for them

A MAN has confirmed that he wanted a Tory candidate who supported net zero and trans rights so he would feels like less of a scumbag when he voted for them.

Martin Bishop is disappointed that Tom Tugendhat is out of the race as his ever-so-slightly centre-right policies would have been a balm for his guilt over voting Conservative in an election.

Bishop said: “Everyone knows that as soon as you earn a certain amount you vote Tory because they help you keep hold of your money rather than paying for other people’s hip replacements.

“Or you might be a mean-spirited individual like me who really resents people on benefits getting free money, even if it works out at a pitiful 15 quid a week to feed two kids.

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t still have a conscience, or at least want to look like I have a conscience. And that’s why I liked Tugendhat’s slightly less hardline psychopathic approach to politics.

“Now we’re left with Truss and Sunak, who are tainted by Boris Johnson, and Mordaunt. She initially seemed alright but was so instantly prepared to roll back her previous support for trans people it’s clear her soul is as pitch black as the rest of them.

“At least Badenoch’s out though. Voting for someone who was endorsed by Britain First is too much for me. Well, that’s what I tell people anyway.”

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Pretend you live in America

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Watch YouTube videos you hate

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Say random words while Siri or Alexa is switched on

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Buy stuff you don’t want

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