Brexit optimism highest among people who love setting fire to things

PEOPLE who love starting fires and watching others run for their lives are the most upbeat about Brexit, it has emerged.

As relations between Britain and the EU continue to deteriorate, researchers found that support for Theresa May’s strategy was highest among fans of utter chaos and destruction.

Mary Fisher, from Hastings, said: “All I want from life is to instill fear while cackling like a maniac, so I’m delighted that the government is finally listening to people like me.”

Roy Hobbs, from Leeds, added: “When politicians say Brexit means Brexit, all it does is muddy the waters and make it harder for us to get a deal. As someone who relaxes by setting fire to things, I think that’s great.

“I want Theresa May to trigger Article 50. And then try to un-trigger it. And then break off negotiations altogether, and then call a general election.

“Look at how the flames dance. Isn’t it beautiful?”