Wednesday, 12th August 2020

Camera crew in Brexit heartland puts up 'Nutters Only' sign

A NEWS team visiting the Brexit heartland of Stoke-on-Trent is sick of interviewing people with reasonable, well-thought-out views. 

The presenter and camera crew have done 12 on-the-spot pieces already, all of which are unusable because of the moderate opinions and sensible positions of their interviewees.

Director Martin Bishop said: “I didn’t come all the way to the fucking Potteries to speak to some twat who ‘thinks on balance we should stay in the EU’. I could have got that at home.

“This is worse than fucking Sunderland. Every other person we stopped there was ‘having second thoughts’ or ‘we weren’t given all the facts’.

“We’ve put up a cartoon racist dog expressing some normal opinions for this area – ‘Kick Them All Out’, ‘Bring Back National Service’. ‘I Heart Hanging’ – and next to him it says ‘If Your Views Aren’t As Right-Wing As Mine You Can’t Come In.’

“That should get us some Brexity lunatics spewing their bile for the cameras, and once that’s in the can we’ll knock off early and head back to civilisation.

“After all, we have a duty as journalists to represent the full range of views. Get that pensioner in here. He looks proper mental.”