DAVID Cameron is finally realising he only became prime minister because Britain could not stand another second of Gordon Brown.
With three polls showing Labour in the lead, Cameron has accepted he has no political appeal other than coinciding accidentally with the strange, brooding Scotsman.
A Tory source said: “At first he was upset, what with the economy doing marginally better and Ed Miliband being just as weird as Brown, but without the tendency for extreme violence.
“But then he realised he should never have been prime minister in the first place. If Alan Johnson or the slightly less unusual Miliband had forced Brown to resign, David would have been just another arse who led the Tory party for a while.”
The source added: “There’s still a chance we can hang on, particularly as from now on the campaign will just be gigantic images of Ed Balls’ unbearable face.
“And also we have MI5.”
Meanwhile, Ed Miliband has accepted Britain is going to make him prime minister in exchange for not being David Cameron.