NOBODY in the UK has volunteered to do something since the mid 1970s, it has emerged.
As David Cameron unveiled a plan to allow workers to spend three days a year doing a different job very badly, experts said volunteering is as unfamiliar to the electorate as kindness or mercy.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “The sweet old ladies and pierced young men running charity shops are not volunteers but are serving community service sentences for their terrible crimes.
“Those few people who look like volunteers, like the St John’s Ambulance at football matches, are only in it to watch the game for free and pocket up to £50 in sharpened coins.”
Britain’s last volunteer, Susan Traherne of Ludlow, is remembered by the town every August for being a total and utter mug who everyone took advantage of.
Ludlow’s mayor Nathan Muir said: “Whether it was feeding cats, picking up litter or cleaning graffiti from road signs, old Sue would tirelessly do it without ever wanting anything but our goodwill.
“She really was an idiot.”