Corbyn probably related to Guy Fawkes or something

JEREMY Corbyn is probably a distant relative of Guy Fawkes, it has been claimed.

A Daily Mail source said: “Corbyn’s great-great-grand-auntie was possibly a prostitute called ‘Fat Ida’ who possibly slept with someone called Fawkes at some point.

It could be bollocks. But it might not be.

Look at a photo of  Corbyn, and then look at a woodcut of Guy Fawkes. Both thin, bearded, and they’ve got the same skull shape.

“We know about those kind of genetic specifications in people. In fact we have a chart called ‘Criminal Head Shapes’ on the office wall.”

Tesco launches pre-binned bagged salad

TESCO has launched a range of bagged salads that come already in a bin to save customers throwing them away.

The Ready Binned range means that products that will only end up being wasted anyway can now be discarded without even needing to be put in the fridge.

A spokesman said: “How often have you bought a bag of salad, only to throw most of it away a couple of days’ later when it starts to look a bit mildewy? The answer is ‘every time you’ve bought a bag of salad’.

“So now we’re selling them in a bin. You just take it home, then tip the contents into a larger bin, so that they can be taken away and disposed of.”

Householder Emma Bradford said: “As a busy working mum, I don’t have time to take food out of the fridge before I throw it away, so this is a great boon.

“Hopefully they can do this for bread, courgettes and packets of pre-sliced turkey bought on some strange whim.”