Friday, 4th December 2020

Corbyn reinstated after 19-day anti-semitism binge to get it out of his system

JEREMY Corbyn has been reinstated to the Labour party after purging all anti-semitism from his system with a 19-day binge. 

The lifelong anti-racist realised that he had been bottling up bigotry for decades and he needed to let his prejudices loose before he could return to being a perfect paragon of purity and virtue.

Friend Denys Finch Hatton said: “He’s an incorruptible saint of socialism again now, but f**k me it was ugly to watch.

“You were barely past the front door before he was shouting about Jews in Hollywood and Jews in finance and the Jew-run conspiracy on the board of members at his allotment. It was intense.

“He had a whole numerology thing going on with Countdown’s Rachel Riley sending coded Zionist messages through her maths, and this chart on the wall with string linking Barbra Streisand to Giles Coren.

“Honestly, for just under three weeks his rants about Illuminati lizards were so vile even his brother Piers hung up on him. But it’s all out now and he’s absolutely fine.”

Corbyn said: “It’s completely gone. I’ve just booked a fortnight in Tel Aviv for Easter.”