THE leaders of the G20 nations are undercover anarchists who have deliberately destroyed the West’s capitalist economy, it has emerged.
Suspicions were aroused after key participants of last week’s acutely dysfunctional summit left with dejected facial expressions that looked suspiciously like ham acting.
French customs officials subsequently searched President Obama’s suitcase to discover a Guy Fawkes’ mask, luminous juggling clubs and dog-eared back issues of Class War magazine with notes pencilled in the margins.
Further investigation has revealed that David Cameron’s real identity is that of ‘Beano’, a former fire-eater and ‘anarcho-clown’ from Dundee, whose fellow squatter ‘Wotsit’ is now better known as George Osborne.
Julian Cook, chief conspiracy analyst at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: “The people who are now running the G20 countries actually met at an illegal acid house party in 1991.
“Angela Merkel, Nicolas Sarkozy, David Cameron et al – as they’re now known – were a group of radical young idealists who all collided at a warehouse rave, ripped to the tits on powerful ‘California Sunrise’ ecstasy tablets.
“That night they all shared a joint on a fire escape as the sun came up, pledging that they would make it their life’s works to infiltrate and destroy ‘the system’, replacing it with something vague where everyone grows their own vegetables and has lots of sex.
“And thanks to exceptional determination, they may just have pulled it off.”
Meanwhile speculation has emerged that Occupy protesters who had allegedly defecated inside St Paul’s cathedral are members of an underground pro-wealth group calling itself Chablis Splendide whose agenda is to discredit the anti-capitalist movement.
Plumber and father-of-two Tom Logan said: “Whatever the hell is going on, I’ve stopped trying to understand it.
“I’ve just bought a powerful air gun and 4,000 cans of Big Soup and shall hide in my cellar until either the world ends or I really need the toilet.”