THERESA May has confirmed that she is just like Margaret Thatcher except not even any good at it.
May admitted that her similarities to Thatcher, which include being a woman and being prime minister, do not extend to ruthlessness, principles, determination or basic competence.
She continued: “Thatcher defined herself by not U-turning. I spin like an owl’s head under even the slightest pressure, as this National Insurance thing has shown.
“Thatcher went to Europe and won Britain a rebate of £5 billion a year. I come here and make stern demands and they laugh and carry on talking in foreign.
“Thatcher could push through a radical agenda because she won overwhelming majorities in three general elections. I only even became leader because everyone else quit.
“I am a pale imitation of the Iron Lady, an authoritarian despot who isn’t even any good at it, which ironically means I’ll end up doing much more damage.”
May added: “Thankfully the opposition is led by the crap Michael Foot, so I’m fine.”