Labour To Back PR For Insultingly Obvious Reasons

LABOUR is to back proportional representation in what they claim will be a major step towards rebuilding their chances of getting back into power before everyone's dead.

Alan Johnson has decided he wants to be prime minister for 20 minutes

In a non-existent break with the party's traditional support for the system of doing anything to win power, senior figures said Britain's democracy needed comprehensive reform if future generations were to have their lives ruined by at least two different kinds of crooks and liars.

A Labour source said: "Proportional representation will help to rebuild voters' confidence in parliament because a recent study showed that MPs elected by PR don't make up rules that allow them to steal money."

He added: "What study? Fuck you, that's what study."

Meanwhile Conservative leader David Cameron has pledged to limit the powers of Number 10 and devolve more responsibility to local communities in his latest transparent attempt to divert attention from all the thieving.

Experts last night stressed that PR had been a huge success in Scotland, where two party leaders were forced to resign over expenses claims and members of the Edinburgh parliament continue to make healthy profits from houses they buy with your money.

Meanwhile public reaction to the proposed reforms was mixed, with some voters defecating into a paper bag and posting it to their MP, while others simply fainted with anger.

Bill McKay, a sales manager from Hitchin, said: "Proportional representation you say? To be honest, I don't actually know what that is. At the moment I'm much more focused on them stealing my money all the time."

Julian Cook, an engineer from Doncaster, said: "By all means dick about with the devolution of power to your heart's content, but if you could try your best not to steal from me while you're doing it, that would be excellent."

And Sister Margaret Gerving, a retired Mother Superior from Peterborough, added: "I could not give a flying monkey's fuck about any of this. Can you please – in the name of Christ – just stop stealing my fucking money?"