Lib Dems beaten by bright orange and yellow fascist

The LIBERAL Democrats were last night beaten by a fascist who looks like she was made in a primary school.

Lady Dorothy MacBeth Brookes beat the party of government into seventh place in the South Shields by-election by painting herself orange and complaining about people who look different.

A Lib Dem spokesman said: “Her colour scheme does make her look a bit like one of our leaflets, so maybe people got confused.”

A BNP spokesman said Lady Dorothy had wanted to ‘black-up’ as a provocative political statement, but chose the wrong colour of shoe polish and then decided she liked it.

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Timebombs surprisingly dull

THE interest-only mortgage timebomb has confirmed that timebombs are overrated. 

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “On hearing the word ‘timebomb’ one’s initial reaction is ‘run, run, just go, now!’

“But actually it’s just an absurdly sensationalised way of describing pretty much anything.

“See also the obesity timebomb, the immigration timebomb and the Boots Meal Deal timebomb.”