Lib Dems regain position as Britain’s last, desperate choice

THE Liberal Democrats’ second place in the Witney by-election has confirmed them as the party Britain turns to when all hope is lost. 

The party increased their share of the vote from seven per cent to 30 per cent as the electorate once again found themselves trapped with nowhere else to go.

Lib Dem leader Tim Farron said: “As the 2010 election showed, when the British people find themselves in total despair with all other options exhausted, they’ll take a punt on the Liberal Democrats.

“And if Britain continues to metaphorically set fire to its own house without any plan for escape, I think we can see increasing support from voters taking a reckless leap into the unknown.

“Hopefully we can get big enough to bugger up another general election. That’s the dream.”

Voter Francesca Johnson said: “I stood in the polling booth for about ten minutes, wracked with indecision between the hard-right party wrecking our economy or the hard-left party who want to.

“Then I thought fuck it, I’ll vote Lib Dem. I’ve got nothing left to lose.”