GEORGE Osborne will next week make life at least 10 per cent better for people who have nothing to worry about.
In a daring political move, the chancellor will reach out to hard-pressed middle-income Britons by showing them the sort of treatment they could expect if only they made more money.
A senior Tory source said: “We’ve done the electoral maths and we reckon middle class people want to be ignored almost as much as they want rich people to have more things.
“Focus groups up and down the country are telling us to cut child benefit for people on middle incomes so that those on more than £150,000 a year can continue to donate money to the Conservative Party. It is almost breath taking in its simplicity.
“And I don’t care how many PhDs in arithmetic you have – a tax that only raises a few hundred million pounds a year is not better than nothing. A child can see that. Even a British one.”
The source added: “I don’t want to talk in terms of landslides, but I think we will be in government for a very long time.”
Meanwhile border control staff said the tax cut would mean they would no longer have to work 20 hour shifts processing the constant stream of high earners pouring out of Britain every second.
Bill McKay, who works at Heathrow, said: “There are huge queues of them all carrying their pathetic little bundles of really expensive stuff and trying desperately to bribe the business class flight attendants to get their children some gluten-free polenta.”