Scotland too much of a paradise to ever leave, confirm millionaires

SCOTLAND to tax its millionaires because they could never find anywhere nicer to live.

The country, which has lured oligarchs from across the globe with its mix of urban realness and refreshing weather conditions, will hugely increase the top rate of tax knowing they are too enraptured with Scotland to consider moving elsewhere.

Oil magnate Roy Hobbs said: “Scotland is both an Eden and a trap.

“Barbados is worthless after an afternoon on the beach at Broughty Ferry and once you’ve seen Glasgow, how could New York ever satisfy?

“This is why no Scottish person with money, from Sean Connery to Billy Connolly, could ever bear to move away to America, for example.

“We are captives here, birds in gilded cages.”