THERESA May has told the portrait of Margaret Thatcher that hangs in her living room that she was too kind-hearted.
May assured the oil painting that she will not make the same mistake of sparing her enemies.
She said: “Of course it was a different time, I understand that. The church was still powerful and belief in the sanctity of human life was regrettably widespread.
“I suppose that’s why you allowed Heseltine to survive, even though castrated, and why you reluctantly withdrew free school milk instead of your original plan to… change it.
“Your compassion was your biggest failing. I won’t let sentimentality stay my hand, like you did. The parts of my brain that feel empathy were burned away long ago.
“We nuke Buenos Aires Friday.”