THE government is to fill the £50 billion black hole in the public finances by taxing Britain’s stupidity.
The Inferior Intellect charge will be levied on anyone who has displayed poor intelligence or made idiotic decisions repeatedly over the last 25 years or their lifetime, whichever is shorter.
Sunak announced: “We are in a mess. And who got us here? Clearly not clever people.
“No, the fiscal black hole we need to fill is the fault of the stupid. Britain’s remedial class has put us in this fix and it’s time they paid to get us out.
“From now on every financial transaction will be examined, by algorithm, and judged on its intelligence. If you’re a family buying sensible, budgeted food? No charge. If you’re an 18-year-old buying a motorbike to impress a girl? Stupidity tax of 77 per cent.
“It applies across the board whatever your income. Whether a middle-class family blowing cash on a summerhouse, a working-class teenager doing a sport science degree or a rich man opening a restaurant, you’ll be taxed for your dumbness and deserve it.”
He added: “Retrospective taxes will be levied on all moronic decisions made since 1997, from houses to boats to marriages. Apart from the Brexit vote. That, as always, is an exception.”