THE BBC’s flagship political panel show was once a civilised platform on which heavyweight politicians could debate. This is what it’s like now:
The weekly lumps of gammon
They sit there on Zoom all red-faced and furious. The fact that Brexit has happened hasn’t reduced their anger and sense of victimhood at the truly dominant forces in the UK: left-wing comedians, university lecturers, and the metropolitan elite who want to keep our jam jars golliwog-free.
Fiona Bruce’s shit presenting
For example: ‘I’m sorry, I’m going to have to interrupt you there, a government minister wants to gas on unchallenged for five minutes…’ Or as soon as anyone makes an interesting point: ‘We’re going to have to leave it there, thank you.’
The idiot celebrity guest
To boost ratings, witless celebrities are invited on. Their research consists of asking their driver en route to the studio what’s been happening in the world lately. They then come up with moronic homespun ‘wisdom’ like: ‘If the government spends too much money, we’ll run out. That’s just common sense.’
The evasive Tory minister
It’s been drummed into them via media training that you evade any question that suggests you’ve f**ked up when you clearly have. But whereas past politicians did this with oily cunning, this latest crop of over-promoted, vacuous muttonheads do so with the finesse of a plank of wood.
The incoherent moron
Suddenly having a boom mic shoved in your face and a camera pointed at you would make most people panic. But approximately 50 per cent of the audience have genuinely unfathomable questions no one could answer, eg. ‘I went to the shops in Leicester so what’s all this inflation about?’
The suspicious far-right plant
The woman who, despite the supposed difficulty of bagging a place in the QT audience, appears every other week to rant on fanatically about immigrants coming here to tear down our statues and cancel Laurence Fox.