IS your friend getting back with her awful boyfriend who’s an absolute tosser? Probably. Here are five dubious reasons why she isn’t just dumping him.
He bought her flowers
Nothing says sorry like a bouquet of roses, or something much cheaper from the BP garage. Alternatively he got her a basil plant for £1.50 from Sainsbury’s, but according to her it’s ‘a real turning point for him’ and ‘a sign that he’s ready to commit’.
He wrote her a poem
It doesn’t rhyme, it isn’t very long and, frankly, it doesn’t make sense, but it’s got your friend weak at the knees. It’s written on a random scrap of paper, but he quickly drew a little bunny rabbit and a heart on it, so he’s really gone the extra mile.
He says he’s going to change
How he’s going to reinvent his personality from ‘lifelong twat’ to ‘not a twat’ within a fortnight isn’t clear, but your lovely friend is convinced. Has he booked in for some intensive counselling to reassess his priorities in life? Of course not.
He’s taking her out for dinner
A good man knows how to treat a lady, and that’s with a meal out at his favourite burger restaurant. Has he said he’s going to pay for it? No. Is he mainly thinking about a big juicy burger followed by a shag? Yes. Oh and she’s vegetarian, but it’s the thought that counts.
She doesn’t want to reinstall dating apps
When it comes down to it, your friend is aware that it’s better the wanker you know. And he’s also sulkily met her parents, so twat boyfriend wins out simply by being less hassle than finding someone who doesn’t get her a Jason Statham DVD for her birthday.
