THE Green Party monsters currently threatening the country wants to sadistically improve your quality of life, we can reveal.
Not content with ousting Labour from their bastion of Gorton and Denton, the toxic Green Party wants to upend Britain’s democracy even further by meeting the needs of its constituents with a manifesto based on sustainable living.
Political analyst Denys Finch Hatton said: “They want to look after the most vulnerable members of society and improve the environment. It’s absolutely sickening.
“What about all of the fossil fuel billionaires who will be brutally crushed under their vegan leather jackboots? No, the Green Party’s dastardly policies seem quite content to leave these poor, innocent souls to perish.
“It’s almost like they don’t care about this country’s proud tradition of steadily getting shitter and shitter, a tradition the two-party system proudly upholds. If they have their cruel way then the planet will never become an inhospitable rock and our children will have to grow up without microplastics in their bloodstreams.
“It’s up to the public to band together and vote strategically from here on out. It’s the only way to ensure that the country becomes even more hostile and divided, which is what all true patriots should want.”
MP for Gorton and Denton Hannah Spencer cackled: “We want to build 150,000 social homes a year and achieve net-zero by 2040! And there’s nothing you can do to stop us!”
