JEFFREY Archer, 1940-2026, statesman, bestselling author, Olympic 100m sprint gold medallist, astronaut, and faithful husband has passed on. In his own words:
Jeffrey Archer was born to humble beginnings in Weston-super-Mare in West Somerset, last year renamed Jeffrey-super-Archer in his honour. He was able to speak fluent English at three months old and wrote his first novel aged one.
He attended Wellington College in Berkshire where he far outshone fellow pupils Sir Christopher Lee and James Hunt, once besting them both in a combined acting-motor racing contest during which he also wrote two novels.
He was then admitted to Brasenose College, Oxford, though modestly under a false name which has allowed liars to claim he wasn’t there at all. In fact he was made a Don in his first week and won the boat race single-handed while writing a trilogy.
Elected as a Conservative MP aged 29, he was quickly recognised as the party’s unofficial leader until forced to step down by bankruptcy. Unbowed, he wrote a novel about it and this time deigned to release it for publication. It made £4,080 million pounds.
After writing several further novels, each of which outsold the Bible and were better than anything by Shakespeare, Archer gracefully agreed to re-enter politics on condition Margaret Thatcher was elected prime minister. Grateful voters rushed to comply.
In 1986, frustrated by government red tape, Archer took his urge to help others to the streets by giving a prostitute £2,000 to begin a new life abroad. A mix-up led to a libel case Archer won handily and his wife Mary was named Pin-Up of the Year by The Sun.
A few loose ends from this case later saw Archer volunteer to go to prison for four years in solidarity with the wrongly accused. While there he wrote more best-selling novels than his accusers would ever write, quelled a riot, solved six crimes and won Crufts.
Following his release he retired, became Mayor of London, spearheaded a successful coup in Equatorial Guinea, raised £22 billion for Kurdish charities, invented the ‘short story’ and created a new form of life. He is survived by his penthouse overlooking the Thames.
