FOURTEEN-year-old Active J, known in his detached home as Joshua Hudson, explains da rank consequences of abstinence
WAGWAN? Say less. Man bare sufferin’. Parents made man give up da henergy drinks an’ man’s vapes after da schitz Christmas fing, innit.
Active J bare slept for three days when man swilled all him’s Prime and burned through him’s Christmas vapes. Man was rank ill an’ parents said man had to go straight for month. Bruv, dat made man even iller.
Da first few days was da bare rankest. Man woz vexed all of da time, guzzlin’ water, an’ sweatin’ even more water than man woz guzzlin’. Mental awake. How does givin’ up Monster make man feel sick, blud?
Den, hafter a week man gets bare henergy wivout bustin’ da henergy drinks. Wot ‘appenin’ there, cuz? Man does run up dem stairs, an’ heveryfink. Man woz hydratin’ wiv da fruity smoovies an’ da’ fruity juice, an’ cravin’ da broccoli tree to eat.
Man hactually thought Maccy D’s stank loud, an’ dat plantburger woz leng. Wot, bruv! An’ Miss Jackson woz for real shook when her’s found Active J playin’ footy on da hastroturf, hinstead of vapin’ an’ flexin’ swag fresh wiv man’s gyaldem.
But end come when Miss bigging man up coz man ‘anded him’s history ‘omework in on time, an’ man’s gyal Lady G an’ wasteman dickhead Drilla bare laughin’. Active J woz becomin’ a randomdem; a dead brand muggle, more time. Man ‘ad enough.
Dry Januhairy is over for man. Him’s went missin’ for time, but has returned from da deaddem crew. So spark up da bubblegum vape ting coz Active J is back, fam. An’ him’s peng gassed.
