AUSTRALIAN model and actress Holly Valance has confirmed she is the right-wing equivalent of Carol Vorderman.
The former pop star, who is married to a billionaire property developer, attended yesterday’s oxymoronic launch of Liz Truss’s Popular Conservatives to bring balance to the universe.
She said: “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. So for every one of Carol’s leftie tweets, there is me.
“Think about it. She’s shacking up with five partners while I’m happily monogamous with my billionaire husband. She’s left, I’m right. I’m the Wario to her Mario, the Mr Hyde to her Dr Jekyll, stiffening gammon dicks while she softens them.
“Like her, I was hot a few decades ago. Like her, I sort of still am. We both had successful careers before turning political. But unlike Carol, I think Jacob Rees-Mogg will be the next leader of the Conservative party and bloody epochal as prime minister.
“We’re yin and yang. Our opposing political views threaten to pull the society apart, yet our similar appeal to middle-aged men – Kiss Kiss was 22 years ago, mate – maintains cosmic balance.”
Steve Malley of Reading said: “I’m a centrist so I can imagine the two of them getting it on.”