CAN fat fetishist Joshua Hudson, aged 31, persuade 28-year-old Sophie Rodriguez they’d have more fun if she was two ton?
Sophie on Joshua
First impression?
Well-prepared and diligent. He’d read the menu online, printed it off, highlighted what he thought looked good and blacked out the calories so I wouldn’t feel self-conscious.
How was conversation?
He was buttering my roll for me when he asked how much I weigh. I refused to answer. He explained that he’s a ‘body positivity activist for the big beautiful woman community’. Is that a digital marketing type job?
Memorable moments?
After the main course, when he asked if he could feed me. I agreed, expecting fresh strawberries dipped in Belgian chocolate. So it was a surprise when he ordered me a cottage pie.
Favourite thing about Joshua?
He clearly has no issue with a woman being whatever size she wants to be. Apparently his last girlfriend had to go through doors sideways.
A capsule description?
I’m too full for a capsule description.
Was there a spark?
I’d say so. Mostly on the candles of the cake he ordered to the table on the off-chance it was my birthday.
What happened afterwards?
He’s texted me. Recipes, mostly. And he phones to ask if I’ve had breakfast and what I’ve had. His breathing got all weird when I said pancakes with maple syrup and bacon.
What would you change about the evening?
I would’ve had less to eat. I know he was being a gracious host but I said afterwards that I must’ve put at least three pounds on. He just smiled and said that’s good, which was sweet. So accepting.
Will you see each other again?
He’s offered to take me for a tour of the Cadbury’s factory, which is nice.
Joshua on Sophie
First impression?
Sylph-like. A Skinny Minnie in size eight jeans. In short, repulsive. Something no man should ever have to endure.
How was conversation?
She mentioned that she’d just come from the gym, at which I hid my disgust, and then there was some annoying back-and-forth about friends and values before I could ask directly how much she weighs. The Starting Point, as I call it.
Memorable moments?
At one point she said she might have to unbutton her jeans and I got the horn. She thought it was at the prospect of her undressing slightly. Adorable.
Favourite thing about Sophie?
She does have slightly flabby arms. A decent start.
A capsule description?
Only one chin but she can put it away. A project we’d work on together.
Was there a spark?
It was barely there, much like her thighs.
What happened afterwards?
I went home and made her a diet plan for how to get her up to 4,000 calories a day, based on one for Olympic athletes but removing all physical exertion. I won’t show it to her. But it properly gets me off.
What would you change about the evening?
I would’ve insisted she have the Oreo milkshake. Diet Sprite, my arse.
Will you see each other again?
Oh, I’d definitely like to see more of her. Much more.
