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David Moyes's first day in charge

8am: Arrive at work to find my parking space still has ‘SAF’ painted on it. Discuss this with security guard who suggests I change my name to something with those initials. Return to car to find transfer request from Wayne under windscreen wiper.

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Factory blaze caused by stupid bloody Chinese lantern thing

A MASSIVE factory fire was caused by one of those monstrously fucking stupid Chinese lanterns, it has been confirmed.

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