England ‘can win World Cup if you’re pissed enough’

THE England team has a very good chance of winning the World Cup if you have consumed enough alcohol, it has emerged.

Although England was not initially expected to claim overall victory, supporters have discovered their team’s ability massively increases once they are pretty shitfaced.

Fan Roy Hobbs said: “At first I thought, ‘nah, not a chance’, but now I’ve drunk eight pints of strong lager I reckon they can do it. It’s like 1966 all over again.

“I was clearly underestimating our invincible national team while sober. All I have to do now is remain completely bladdered until the end of the final and victory is in the bag.”

Fellow supporter Donna Sheridan said: “We can easily beat teams like Germany and Brazil. All we need is a bit of luck, like all their best players somehow falling and breaking their legs on the same day.

“That could happen. It could. Are you going to the bar?”

Former England player and soccer pundit Tom Booker said: “I’m afraid we have to be realistic about England’s chances, and in reality we might only beat Germany 10-nil in the final. D’you know where the toilets are?”