AN England fan is unable to believe the world truly exists if it is one where England won a European Championship quarter-final four-nil.
Jordan Gardner of Warwick keeps looking around sharply to catch glitches and poking things to see if they have solidity in between checking reports of last night’s game.
Girlfriend Grace Wood-Morris said: “I came in the room and he was flicking the light quickly on and off, because apparently that doesn’t work in dreams.
“I explained this wasn’t a dream, that England were through to the semis after scoring four against the Ukraine, and he told me that was against all the physical rules of the world we knew.
“He cited as proof our five clean sheets in five games, then grabbed my face and said ‘Quickly! Tell me something I wouldn’t know Grace knows!’ I told him f**k off.”
Gardner said: “England? Looking like they could actually win this shit? It can’t be real.
“I called my Scottish mate Andy and he agrees completely, but no matter how much he pinches himself he just can’t wake up from the nightmare.”