GERMANY crashing out of the World Cup has cruelly robbed England of a grudge match based on the nation’s unhealthy obsession with WW2.
Germany’s failure to progress to the last 16 has denied England its treasured World Cup tradition of referring to the Battle of Britain and D-Day with zero tact and subtlety.
England fan Wayne Hayes said: “Reminding Germans we crushed their Nazi ancestors is the highlight of the tournament. There’s no real point in going any further now. It’s over for me.
“Even if we breeze past Senegal and ultimately win the cup, it will be a hollow victory because we didn’t face our bitter rivals and subject them to tasteless banter about the bombing of Dresden. Younger generations of Germans love that.
“We’ll have to make do with taunting the French instead, which just isn’t the same. ‘You eat funny-shaped bread, you amphibious bastards.’ See what I mean?
“It’s the newspaper editors I feel sorry for. They probably had some blinders for front pages lined up, complete with pictures of Churchill and tanks. Now they’ll have to report real but boring stories like Michelle Mone.”
Germany supporter Hans Braun said: “Yes, we lost the football. And yes, we lost the war. But who’s got the biggest economy in Europe? I’ll give you a clue, it’s not you, Tommy.”