All sport moved to desert

EVERY major sporting event will now take place under the blazing desert sun, it has been confirmed.

It is fairly flat

Sport’s governing bodies have agreed that all future competitions will be held in Qatar, Dubai, Abu Dhabi, or somewhere equally conducive to working up a good sweat.

A spokesman from the IAAF said: “Our decision to give the Athletics World Championships to Doha has nothing to do with the money. All we care about is the infrastructure, the atmosphere, and the entertainment value that comes from watching people collapse from heat stroke.

“And, of course, the money.”

FA chairman Greg Dyke welcomed the relocation of all twenty Premier League clubs to Qatar, saying: “Football should never be done in temperatures of less than 40 degrees celsius, in case everyone succumbs to frostbite, or snow blindness, or gets attacked by yetis.”

Ice hockey player Wayne Hayes said: “I’m delighted that the NHL has decided to move en masse to Saudi Arabia. Sure, the conditions aren’t ideal, but I’m sure we can have a great few minutes of hockey, followed quickly by some water polo.”

The International Olympic Committee has also confirmed the award of the 2022 Winter Olympics to Qatar, with a spokesman commenting: “Sand is just hot snow.”