ALBERTO Aquilani has been loaned to Juventus after manager Luigi Delneri revealed himself to be a keen jigsaw collector.
The Liverpool midfielder has struggled to hold down a regular place in the side since the lid from his box went missing. He was sidelined for two months after half of his leg disappeared, eventually turning up in a kitchen drawer in the Anfield canteen.
Delneri said: “We’ve got him for 12 months and I hope to have the edges of his head finished by Christmas. I think we got a bargain because Liverpool kindly threw in a Kerplunk with half the straws missing.”
It has been a busy summer in the transfer window for Liverpool as manager Roy Hodgson off-loaded Rafael Benitez’s final batch of signings including the eight marmosets the Spaniard was trying to train as both defenders and electricians.
Meanwhile defensive midfielder Javier Mascherano is currently into his 18th day of holding his breath until they let him move to Barcelona.
Hodgson has also signed goalkeeper Brad Jones from Middlesbrough, primarily for his experience of playing football in the Championship ‘for reasons that will become increasingly apparent as the months go on’.
But the biggest surprise is Liverpool managing to hold on to Fernando Torres, with all of the major club managers deciding they no longer want to take him as their lover.
Chelsea’s Ian Ancelotti said: “When he was blonde, he was sort of like a cross between a newborn deer and Paris Hilton and made for some very wonderful dreams.
“But now he just looks like a big dirty boy. No thank you.”