BEING trapped down a mine shaft in Chile for four months is starting to sound not too bad, men across Britain said last night.
As the 33 miners were told they may not be out by Christmas, British men immediately pointed out that meant no commuting, free food pellets and a 16 week long, all-expenses paid farting competition.
Tom Logan, from Hatfield, said: “Okay so you wouldn’t see your wife for four months, but my wife’s a fucking pain in the arse.
“Also, I wouldn’t be crammed in, bumcheek to bumcheek, with dozens of sweaty proles before being spewed onto a platform and dragging myself to an office where I’m surrounded by stupid bloody women talking shit all day.”
He added: “Plus, they’re sending down anti-depressants, which, if you mix with vodka or whisky, could certainly make at least two or three weeks just fly by.”
Roy Hobbs, from Doncaster, said: “I imagine there will be a couple of weeks of Fight Club but you can always just take a dive in the first round and spend the rest of the contest betting with your happy pills.
“The only slight problem I can foresee is that it will absolutely fucking stink. I’ve been scouring the papers for any mention of toilet facilities, but so far nothing. Then again we are talking about 33 men so I imagine it has already developed into a contest over who can generate the most evil, puke-inducing stench. Jammy bastards.”
Martin Bishop, from Stevenage, said: “Apparently they have over a mile of tunnels to play with. Those men are going to have the best game of Cowboys and Indians in the history of the world.
“And of course when it comes to matters of sexual intercourse, I assume there will be a general rule of ‘what happens in the shaft, stays in the shaft’.”
Tom Logan added: “I’ve just realised that because it’s a group of men 700m underground there is no possibility of anyone at any point watching Grey’s Anatomy.
“I wish we still had mines in this country. Fucking Thatcher.”