Football Clubs Swap Rubbish Bins

ENGLAND'S football managers spent yesterday rifling through each other's bin bags in the hope of finding something that was not covered in rancid milk and tea leaves.

Newcastle found Danish striker Peter Lovenkrands gnawing on an apple core

As the transfer window closed, the managers grabbed what they could, ran it under a tap and presented it to their local media.

Many of the rubbish swaps were completed just before the 5pm deadline as the coaches finally accepted they were not going to find a Brazilian superstar who fancied spending February in their particularly hellish corner of Northern England.

Sheffield United boss Kevin Blackwell admitted almost giving up hope of finding anything in Derby's bins when he heard a whimpering sound coming from a pile of moist cardboard.

He said: "I lifted up one corner with a stick and, lo and behold, there was a Jordan Stewart.

"I gave it a quick sniff and found that it was relatively fresh. I'm going to hose it down, dry it with an old towel and then spray it with Febreze. If it doesn't work I'll just bung on Gumtree."

Hull City boss Phil Brown added: "I found half a roast chicken, an old book and something called an 'Ibrahima Sonko'. I wonder what it does?"

He added: "Paul Hart was dead jealous 'cos all he could find was some manky defender from Watford covered in four day-old vegetable soup."