GLENN Hoddle is planning to end his own life, ride the wheel of karma and return to this world as the manager of the England football team.
Hoddle believes the virtuous way he has spent his time on this earth means he will get his pick of next lives and ‘won’t return as a lower species like a dog, an invertebrate, or a woman’.
Hoddle, who was actually quite good at managing England, will set himself on fire in the centre circle of Wembley during the FA Cup semi-final half-time show.
He said: “Everyone should enjoy the show because they’re not seeing a human being die in agony but an immortal soul returning to the ‘bardo’ or ‘intermediate state’.
“I may come back as a Vietnamese boy with an ethereal glow and a uncanny gift for orchestrating set-pieces, or perhaps I’ll be a pillar of blue fire pacing the dugout and shouting at Gerrard to spread it wide.
“Once I have taken England to the final of a major international I will achieve nirvana and transcend the wheel of life. Obviously even the Buddha himself can’t expect me to win the thing, not with that team.”
Experts said the the cycle of England managers is itself an object lesson in Buddhism, as the FA fail to learn from their past managerial appointments and eternally repeat their mistakes and their suffering.
Hoddle’s bid has been challenged by the late Brian Clough, who plans to manage the team from the third circle of hell, reserved for gluttons.