SEPP Blatter revealed that he was football’s father moments before sacrificing himself to destroy the FIFA death star.
The Pan-Galactic FIFA president sustained laser wounds as he fought armoured troops to reach the self-destruct button of the organisation’s space HQ, gurgling out his final confession seconds before it was engulfed in a massive nuclear explosion.
While football fans across the universe initially greeted the tyrant’s demise with joy, they were left with mixed feelings on discovering that Blatter’s beloved princess bride had died soon after giving birth to a football.
FIFA presidential rival Prince Ali bin Hussein said: “Beneath the utterly terrifying exterior and generally evil behaviour he was just human and loved football more than anyone.
“It explains why there were all those pictures of Blatter with footballs, and why he never had the heart to totally destroy it.”
But as cleaners attempted to remove the old man smell from Blatter’s Earth palace, they stumbled across a handwritten rule book for a new sport named blatterball, suggesting that the universe may not have seen the last of Blatter.